The Scorpion and the Frog
It's one of our classic fables. Problem is, we're not the winners.
You’ve probably all heard of the fable of the scorpion and the frog, but for those of you who neglected this Aesopic (or 20th-century Russian) facet of your education, here’s the breakdown. A scorpion is trying to cross a deep river and enlists the help of a frog to carry them both across the river. The frog, understandably skeptical, predicts that the scorpion will sting him mid-way across the river, given that, you know, scorpions sting things. The scorpion rebuts this prediction, pointing out that a sting would lead to the demise of both creatures. The frog buys this, yet no sooner has he carried the scorpion halfway across the river, then the scorpion stings him with a poisonous barb. In his death throes, the frog demands the scorpion explain his actions, to which the scorpion makes a simple reply before both drown in the watery depths: “It is my nature.”
Yep, happy Monday. Burst of optimism, you all get how this works. I think there’s a lot more to be gleaned from this fable than the hopefully-obvious note of don’t harbor warm, fuzzy feelings towards poisonous arachnids or arachnid-like people. I’d posit that the scorpion’s glib response is actually one we hear quite often, not only from those who make excuses for the worst sort of people but also from those people themselves. Now that, for the first time in history, an American president has been federally indicted, maybe it’s worth taking a look at the parallels.
So, ICYMI, Donald Trump has been federally indicted on 37 counts of criminal behavior regarding willful mishandling of classified documents after leaving the presidency in 2021. According to the unsealed indictment, Trump stored the documents in cardboard boxes in his personal residence in Mar-A-Lago and essentially did all the things you’re not supposed to with classified documents in what, if true, would count as clear violations of the Espionage Act. In the wake of the indictment, two of Trump’s lawyers resigned under the premise that this is a “logical moment to do so,” and that’s the kind of ringing positivity I’m looking for in any committed member of my legal team, let me tell you. This ain’t your grandpa’s Trump indictment. So how does this connect to that fable? Well, given the presence of a poisonous, ‘chaotic evil’ creature in the story, the first parallel should be obvious. But what deeper insight can we pull from this?
As the rest of the GOP primary field and the party at large scrambles for an answer on whether or not to stand by Trump, it’s worth taking a look at the possible reasons for why Trump pulled classified docs out of Washington. Is it because he didn’t know whether or not he could declassify the information within the documents? Seems implausible, given that he’s simultaneously argued that the documents were all declassified and that he knew he still possessed some classified ones. Is it because he’s straight-up trying to sell out American secrets to the highest bidder? I can’t quite put him up to that level of malice (or, given how things are going, competency). The most likely explanation, in my decidedly-not-expert opinion, is that he’s just the kind of person who takes stuff, as right-wing pundit Ben Shapiro notes. This seems to line up with everything we know about Trump and the way he’s acted since descending the escalator in 2015. It’s his nature.
It’s Hanlon’s razor, right? Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to incompetence? Yeah, okay. Here’s why that’s still not awesome.
Trump is demonstrating, as if it wasn’t obvious already, that any plan he might have to supposedly make America great through a ‘24 campaign is going to be filtered through a bevy of news coverage about all the nutty stuff he does. He mishandles classified docs, he whines about the 2020 election ad nauseum, he continues his habit of doing really bad Dark Knight impersonations, and it’s in his nature to believe that a campaign centered on him is synonymous with winning for the American people. He is the scorpion, except he’s not even promising not to sting the frog at this point. He, and his most dedicated allies, would have you believe that the sting is actually a good thing for… reasons.
And just like it seems to be in his nature to be a raging narcissist (not a psychologist, don’t come at me), it also seems to be in his nature to believe that taking that narcissism and infusing it with the fate of one of America’s major political parties is actually going to make America great. It’s the same story—the scorpion stings the frog no matter what happens.
The problem is, we’re all the frog. Everyone who thinks that conservatism is worth pursuing at a political level is the frog. And we know what the scorpion does to our elections, the perception of conservatives at large, and the state of our nation through the sheer power of being himself. At some point (and I’d argue a thousand points before this current moment, but still), maybe it’s time to realize that the problem doesn’t merely lie with the scorpion but with the idiot frogs that keep carrying him across the river.